


Remove the sheet. We will begin.

by theydonotmove



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Crack, Crack Relationships, Cubecore, Diego Hargreeves is a sub change my mind, Like seriously this is so stupid, M/M, Other, Written entirely as a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:15:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26609635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theydonotmove/pseuds/theydonotmove
Summary: Remove the sheet. We will begin.Diego sighed. “Begin what?”Remove the sheet. We will begin.Remove the sheet. We will begin.Remove the sheet. We will begin.“Fine, fuck, I’ll remove the sheet. What are we beginning?”
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Christopher
Comments: 27
Kudos: 27





	Remove the sheet. We will begin.

**Author's Note:**

> This is so stupid and 100% for the [ Elliott's House](https://discord.gg/cXHwSQq4am) discord.

It had been… it had been a while, okay?

**Lie on your back, Diego.**

It wasn’t like he meant to end up here.

**Let me make you feel good. Diego.**

He hadn’t sought it out - hadn’t sought  _ him  _ out. It wasn’t Diego who had gone looking for Christopher in the middle of the night. The eerie green cube had floated into his room sometime in the night, waiting until Diego woke with a start from his nightmare. 

He wasn’t sure what the dream was this time, just a haze of sandy blonde hair, rifle fire, and beautiful eyes crinkled with laughter. 

He woke up sweaty, and panting, and  _ hard. _ Achingly so.

**Remove the sheet. We will begin.**

Diego glared over at Christopher, staring into his green glow. He clutched the sheets a little tighter where they were bunched in his lap. He could feel the sweat dripping down his smooth chest, a bead running between his pecs.

**You are aroused.**

It wasn’t a question. Diego didn’t know if Christopher was able to see, per se, but he clearly had some sort of awareness of the world around him.

“Yeah, I have a boner. So what?”

**You had a dream.**

“A nightmare.”

**This is inconsistent.**

“Inconsistent with what!? You know what? It doesn’t matter - just get out.”

Diego pointed toward the door, but Christopher stood his ground (floated his air?).

**Remove the sheet. We will begin.**

Diego sighed. “Begin what?”

**Remove the sheet. We will begin.**

**Remove the sheet. We will begin.**

**Remove the sheet. We will begin.**

“Fine, fuck, I’ll remove the sheet. What are we beginning?”

Diego tore the sheet away, exposing his hard, wet dick to the cool air of the room. Christopher moved closer, a faint humming sound following him. Slowly, the cube descended, approaching Diego’s dick.

“What… what are you doing?”

**I am making you feel good, Diego. Lie back.**

Shaking a little, Diego did as he was told. What was he doing?

**Grasp the base of your penis. It must point upward.**

Diego tried not to laugh. This was ridiculous. This was ridiculous and he was ridiculous for going along with it. He was so hard though and his body betrayed him. His hand was almost instantly on his dick at the mere thought of the order.

Christopher lowered himself even further and Diego felt cold metal against the head of his dick. 

“Jesus. Fuck, why are you so cold?”

**It is a cooling mechanism.**

“Yeah, well, your  _ mechanism _ is cooling me right down.”

**Do not move away.**

Diego grumbled but didn’t move. Christopher rubbed a slow circle on the tip of his dick - chilly metal against his sensitive organ.

**It is warmer _inside_. **

“Whoa, what?”

Then he heard a mechanical whirring sound. Christopher’s base was opening around the tip of Diego’s dick and the cube was dropping. He lowered himself until he engulfed Diego’s dick and balls entirely.

It was hot. Not sexy, but literally, physically  _ hot.  _ Contrasted to the outside of him, the inside of Christopher was  _ scorching.  _

And then something was squeezing. The green glow inside Christopher (the green glow that  _ was  _ Christopher) curled itself around Diego’s dick like a vice. It moved in waves up and down his length. 

**Fuck me.**

Diego tried to move his hips, but nothing happened. Christopher had him completely pinned to the bed.

**Fuck me, Diego.**

“You’re -- oh god, fuck -- you’re going to have to let me move.”

**No.**

“Then I can’t fuck you,” Diego gritted out. He felt like his dick was in the warmest pussy he had ever experienced, the grip on his dick like nothing else. Christopher was leaving a perfectly square red imprint across his stomach and thighs and he didn’t even care. Part of the glow was lapping at his balls, rolling them.

**Fuck me. Like this.**

And then he started to vibrate.

Diego screamed.

Everything he could feel was melting into a miasma  _ fuck yes good more.  _ He brought his hands to his chest, squeezing his pecs. He twisted his nipple ring until it hurt - just a little pain to throw the pleasure into sharp relief. 

“Yes, yes, yes,” he chanted.

**You are my bitch.**

What.

**Say it.**

“What the fuck?”

Christopher started to vibrate even faster.

**Look down.**

Diego did, bringing his hands to rest on Christopher’s frame. The cube shifted further down Diego’s body and some of the glow parted. Diego could see his own dick in Christopher’s grasp as the Sparrow pressed the head of it into one of the glass walls.

**That is your penis.**

This time Diego did laugh. He knew that.

Christopher stopped vibrating.

**I have it inside me. I can pleasure you. Or I can damage you.**

“What!”

Christopher began to gently vibrate again and Diego moaned in spite of himself.

**I will not damage you. I am making a point.**

“What kind of point?” Diego asked, warily.

**You are my bitch.**

Before Diego could reply, Christopher was back up to full speed again. He tightened his grip on the cube’s frame and held on for dear life. 

“Christopher, I’m --”

**Give it to me.**

And Diego did. He was coming deep inside the cube, in a bed that wasn’t his, in a reality he didn’t belong to. His mind reeled and went blissfully blank.

As he regained himself, his grip on Christopher slackened. He could see the splash of his own cum on the inside of the glass. Christopher stopped vibrating and stroking him, but stayed in place, letting Diego revel in the heat of the glow.

“Fuck, maybe I am your bitch.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, if you made it this far (and are 18+) then you simply _must_ join us over at the [Elliott's House](https://discord.gg/cXHwSQq4am) Discord Server


End file.
